On this rollercoaster ride called life, it is important to know how to win the battles that come our way. Be it a huge hurdle to climb over or enduring the slow, anxious climb up a mountain of victory. Like a rollercoaster ride, knowing the excitement about to happen, we are full of nerves, on the brink of tears either with joy or fear, as we “tic tic tic” to the top. In the same vein, whatever consumes us as we grapple with the things of life, will determine our ultimate destiny.
I have to admit I am not one to take things the easy or “normal” way, whether that is a strength or failure is personal opinion, however, what I can say is that it is teaching me, by brute force, where to focus my energy daily. Battles are won, not by my own strength, but with hands held up high, praising God amidst the storm.
It reminds me of Moses when he went to the mountain to praise and worship God as Joshua was battling at the bottom. A humble act of prayer and submission to the Lord, telling Him
“I trust you.”
“You know best.”
“I will worship you at all times.”
In Exodus 17:8-15, we see that Moses was fatigued and even lowered his arms at some point, at which Joshua began to lose the battle. With the help of two faithful comrades, he had the support he needed to keep his arms raised. This is such a powerful image that points directly to our need for eachother. We were not made to be lone wolves, pioneering alone. Even though God does call some to set the trail ablaze first, that does not mean it is to be done alone.
I started this mission with an eager and faithful heart, inspired by the love I received so plentifully during an intense internship at a house of prayer. Daily devotion, worship, and simply spending time ministering to God helped me come to know a different side of God, that of the bridegroom, ceaselessly pursuing his bride. I fell in love with Him all over again and wanted to follow him to serve those most on his heart, orphans, widows, and the poor. A lovesick bride, I embarked on this journey not knowing what to expect but willing to go anywhere with my King.
Has it been worth it? Am I growing in this pursuit to learn His heart? When the pain I saw in the children was too hard to bear, when I came to see their lack of joy and bitterness to life at such a young age, I wanted to quit, it was too sad to see. But that also made me come closer to the heart of God, who sees us in our despair, our sin, our brokenness; but never looks away, he always remains. I may be weak and unable to heal the hearts of the orphans, but if I can be strong for them, pray for them, and introduce them to one who can.
Besides these tests, I also began to doubt how I was using my time, how in the world I would continue to finance the mission as savings ran out. Did this mission “fit” into my life? Am I on a wrong detour? What about my security, the finances I need to complete my life goals, education, career, family? And thus the zeal that brought me here was starting to wear off.
So what keeps me going? How do I continue on?
HANDS HELD UP TO HEAVEN, THE BATTLE IS WON.
I praise God, I THANK God, I trust God. With a grateful heart I press into him. With no other outlet, I give up my strategies and lean on my heavenly husband.
Praise and the power of fellowship. It is really amazing how one meeting with a friend can turn my day, my week around. The problems are still there, the doubts don’t disappear, but having the opportunity to share again why what I am doing matters, even sharing the frustrations, makes things so much better, brighter.
So I am happy to say that I know how to win the battle, a battle that was already won for me on the cross through Jesus Christ. The fact that I can say I am more joyful now, than even “stable” times, testifies to God’s grace and teaches me this powerful lesson; I will pray and praise as my first priority. As a great saying goes…
When man works, man works.
When man prays, God works!
Christ-y-Ana 